The Cheating Syndrome

Would you want to know the secret behind fidelity? keeping your marriage/relationship strong?
Read this as sent to stella dimoko:
I'm a man who has always wondered why fellow men cheat. I wondered why I hate the idea of cheating on my wife. And for a long time I judged and disdained men who cheated on their wives.


Until i came to some realisations. All "able-bodied" NATURAL MEN are wired to cheat! Its a fact. Its a fallout of man's nature after the fall in the garden when he changed from following God to being the devil's slave, obeying lusts not sanctioned by his creator.
God did not create men and wire them to cheat. Man acquired the nature after the fall. He is actually helpless.


The only able-bodied men who can apply the self control required not to cheat are those who fear God and/or those who have acquired solid moral principles as a result of upbringing/socialization or self realization. Then you can then talk about those who lack the health and/or confidence/resources to do it, etc.


I realized that in spite of the fact that I appreciate the beauty and shapes of women, the reason why I won't cheat on my wife is not mainly because I love and respect her but because I fear God in this regard. Much like how in spite of our many other wrongdoings, some of us will not wilfully kill someone because we fear God that much in that respect. Just we should not feel too self righteous.


Only the fear of God and strong acquired principles can stop a man from cheating apart from lack of confidence, resources and health challenges.
Feminist chants and girl-power talks will not. Cheating back at the men won't either. It will only make matters worse. More like wallowing in the mud just to prove to the pig that you can be dirty too.

And please let's stop making it look like only men cheat voraciously. Women do too.

You see, women got it all wrong when they decided to redefine cheating mostly as when 'a man cheats on his wife'. They make it look mainly like a 'man thing', a 'man disease' Something a man does to a woman (wife) with another woman (side babe).
They forgot to define it the way God defined it. As far as God is concerned, cheating is when you sleep with someone you are not married to, man or woman. Whether its your boyfriend or somebody's husband.


This means if we are to see it the way God sees it, then all those women who sleep with these men are cheating too.
It means for every man that cheats there is a cheating woman too. Those men don't sleep with trees or rocks with holes. They actually sleep with women who have decided to disobey God's definition of cheating.
It means in the sight of God women do not cheat less than men. They cheat equally: fifty-fifty.


I maintain as always that men can and will always cheat only as long as women decide to lower God's standard and sleep with men who have not rightfully married them.
It is actually the women disobeying God who have encouraged the male folks to cheat.
I cringe when I see the debased, ungodly way single ladies talk about sex as if they created themselves and then created sex with every right to misuse it as they deem fit.  They actually try to drag the dignity expected of womanhood with how men have debased their own sense of responsibility.


Yeah, you may have indulged yourself by sleeping with married and single men as much as you like but please don't encourage others to indulge too. Change if you want. Just know you have God to face at the end of it all. Sex is powerful, that's why God gave the rules around it, much like rules govern the use of guns and powerful weapons where you need a licence to use it.


You can't cause grief for other women by sleeping with their husbands and expect a faithful husband. If you are lucky to get a faithful husband after your cheating spree as a single woman or married, then kindly wait for your eternal reward. I sincerely advise you simply pray and ask for God's forgiveness for a sordid past and enjoy the fullness of His love.


As long as many women continue to encourage and see nothing wrong with sex outside marriage, then they should stop seeing themselves as the victimized gender. That is your control over men's philandering nature.
As far as men's cheating is concerned, women hold the yam and the knife.  But they decided to surrender it to the men on a dirty plastic tray thus empowering them to rubbish their emotions.


In the past, a crucial element of attaining full manhood was acquiring conjugal rights after being able to marry a woman after which children should naturally follow. Then even boys aspired to marry as early as possible to be able to attain real manhood. They fought for women's hands in marriage. They wanted to have married sex.
Any wonder why it is no longer so? Why it is the women that are rather fighting over themselves over grown boys after dashing them all the goods free of charge. Any wonder why we have so many women of marriageable age and quality still praying for a life partner while many old bachelors with the means to marry are still sampling and describing what a 'wife material' should look like.


They will kick out a woman who would rather obey  God and keep herself for her husband because there are many other women fighting to grace their bed in the hope of clinching the ring or for just simple pleasures. Mind you, (God will also judge the men who feel it is their prerogative to have sex outside marriage. I'm not aware God demanded virginity only from women alone).


If all women decide not to sleep with whoever is not their husband, I ask, who will the philanderers sleep with? They will have no choice but to go back always to their wives or commit rape and hopefully face the consequence. It is still the women who will sell themselves out by been prostitutes and runs girls to give the desperate men a way out.


Please, women put your house in order.  Restore the dignity God and society put on you by shunning sex outside marriage. Men will be left with no choice but to change.
This is the only thing I know that can stop infidelity. If you know any other sane way, I'd like to know because one is tired of this finger pointing always.
And please let's stop these comparison between men and woman about control of their libido.
A woman has to be a nymph or a prostitute not to to be able to hold herself when it comes to sleeping indiscriminately with several men.
The average woman is naturally endowed with a certain level of self control even before giving in to sex with her own husband. They make a conscious effort to have sex and enjoy or endure it if they want. They can easily determine if it will happen or not.


Men on the other hand are different. They are naturally easily carried away at the appealing sight of women. They have to make a conscious effort to control themselves not to indulge that desire. That is why you have that 'few' percentage who will not cheat no matter what.


Oh my goodness! Women are lovely, beautiful beings. It takes a lot not to want to have all of them. But only a man who has the qualities I mentioned earlier will appreciate them for the great work God put in creating them and channel his desires only to his wife.
Marriage has its challenges, I  know. That's coming from one who has been married for about a decade. But as a married man, I enjoy the peace that fidelity brings: less lying, spiritual wholeness, no baby mama drama, better levels of trust, availability to your family, unclouded reasoning when relating with other women, great sex (if you make it a duty to satisfy each other) and many many more I can't exhaust. Sincerely speaking, nothing beats been able to love one woman totally in every way.


 Its only God that can do that for a man.I thank God for His grace that made me get to know Him on time, ( yeah that helped a lot, I've had no other holes to compare anything with, neither do I desire or have need for any other, very helpful indeed). I thank Him also for a woman who knows God and tries her best to satisfy her husband. Its groovy actually. So I wonder sometimes, why should  men cheat if all women were like mine. But sad truth is, whether women are more or less than mine, men will still cheat.


I thank my mum who taught me to be focused and respect women. I thank my dad who taught me great principles. He lived and preached against philandering. Parents may have a lot to do with it too.
Ultimately, women can reduce infidelity in future generations because as far as I'm concerned, the present generation has missed it in the name of civilization. Women can teach their daughters to obey God in the area of sex outside marriage. They can also teach their sons to respect women. The role of fathers in the lives of their children cannot be over emphasised. That will be a topic for another day.


God actually made the world to be a sweet place. Just that the rules for keeping it that way became too much for a lot of people.
So I ask, can women ever really obey God enough to stop "kpanshing" outside marriage whether they are single or not and thereby help the helpless male folks to obey God too.